POEMS

By A. E. Rubene

Homecoming

I want to go home
to the fire of smiles.
I want to go home
to the old woolen quilt.
I want to go home
my grandparents built.

My grandpa's violin there waits
and grandma's spinning wheel.
There is hot stew on the table
and homemade apple jam.
The moon is full of tales
and I do not question who I am.

There sits my blue eyed doll
and mother's pillow of down.
My father's lamp there shines
upon my brother's golden curls.
There lingers love in every stitch
and acorns worth is more than pearls.

But entangled is my grandma's yarn
and out of tune my grandpa's violin.
The stew is cold and jam long gone,
no fables knows this new-risen moon.
The fire is out, the house is sold,
and miles of guilt are wrapped around.

Love has no pitch,
and acorns are shits.
The doll stares blind,
and the pillow is torn.
The lamp is in shiver
and cut are curls my brother wore.

Circuit of Ashes

This is war time,
I am on my guard.
Sleep's a deserter,
and hunger - my ward.

This is war time,
I am on my guard.

I toil like clockwork
and coil in my heart.
I plant upon rocks
and rest upon shards.

My house is all ashes,
all coal is long burnt.
I close my lashes
and treasure what's learnt.

Nothing can perish
that's been from the start.

Semiosis

My soul is black
as the depth of the sea
that pulses beneath
the waves of white feet.

My soul is black
as the den of wide space
that devours light
and gives birth to a whole.

My soul is black
as the black of deep sleep
that covers white dreams
and gives back the lost peace.

My soul is black
beneath the face of white clouds
and the sun is all mine
though it shines to the crowds.

You want me white,
as white as blank sheet,
so you could write thereon
the names of your streets.

But I have tales of my own
as black as the night
that begs you to light
the stars in her crown.

So don't call me Negro
or I'll call you White,
though deep down you know:
we are the same - a checkerboard.

Instalime

Everybody's watching you to shine.
Everybody's waiting for you to fail.
Glamour up, glamour up,
glamour up, I say.
Else you fall,
else you fail
and be their prey
beaten up, beaten up
by their disdain.

Cover up, cover up
your blue-eyed pain.
Trust your gut, trust your gut,
you're not insane.
Bleeding fame,
bleeding veins,
it's not the same.
Cover up, don't give up,
let the comments rain.

Once they'll pray to touch your mane,
once they'll see that you can reign.
Everything is not for gain,
failure trains us to be brave.

Tattoo Road

Walk along the road of
broken glass and shattered dreams.
Walk along the road of splinters
of childhood goals all torn apart.

And as you walk along the shards,
feel them melt under your feet.
Feel them melt, turn into skis
that take you to your destiny.

Open up your heart and soul,
breathe in deep the smoke of coal.
Feel the coal and let it burn,
let it fuel who you are.

Tattooed now with scars of wisdom,
rise above the past you shed.
Rise above and enter present,
glowing white-hot in your hands.

Clothed in light now feel your bones,
singing to the universe:
Let it be, let it be,
let the beat of love be free.

Amber Land

You promised me a journey,
you promised me a roller-coaster ride.
You promised me a voyage,
you promised me a tale.

We thought we had a map,
that leads to Happy-End.
We thought we'd understand,
but we were wrong, so wrong.

We stumbled and fell,
mumbled, "What a hell!"
We crashed and got lost
in the burning haze.

But when the blaze was over
and ashes cooled in sand,
we held a golden amber
that had endured the storm.

We sought no more the island
of fancy harmony.
We thought of memories
that make us family.

Rules

Strip my soul without a touch,
make me melt from afar.
Teach me how to raise the bar
and see which cultures match.

Guide me through anxiety,
help me steady fantasy.
Press "Delay Proximity",
inspire me to ecstasy.

Quit pretending just to please,
burn my feet and made-up fees.
Wipe away my make-up crease,
tell me it's OK to breathe.

Throw away all manuals,
stop counting cliché signs.
Listen to our heartbeat rhyme,
enjoying parables.

Thunderbolt

'I love you,' you want me to say,
'I love you - I'll always care.'
I love you - I cannot lie:
'I love you' won't make me stay.

You have never known what I crave.
Too much. It's always been too much
for you to look beyond the cave,
but I'm out of the shadows now.

Carry on dreaming, carry on!
I won't hold you, I won't deny:
crushes feel high, you need to fly.
But let me fly, too, spin and dive.

Let me go crazy in my way.
Don't be lazy - see my failure.
Let me go wild, leave me alone,
I'll come right back, I'll feel allure.

Baby time is over now,
Let me play in the grown-up world.

Jazz Night Out

I need music, I need freedom,
I need to swing when I feel it.
Don't hold me tight - it won't feel right.
So, let me dance to my own beat.

Let off your steam, we need the heat.
I can't believe I'm on my feet:
work is done and so are the chores,
but there's still time to celebrate.

Shall we dance until moonlight fades?
Or should we turn in with the sun?
I must be dreaming, else it's fate:
you're singing the song in my head.

Nuptials

Will he love me
or will he kill me?
No one cares about
what you're dreaming.

Love is a cage
that's built on lies,
twisted duties,
you'll see with age.

Love lays its traps
so we wear its caps
bottled up to house
its timeless code.

Weed all your hopes,
prepare to die,
transform the cry,
you'll learn the ropes.

Pixels

It hurts to be broken,
frozen and numb,
burning for meaning,
burning for love,
feeling burnt out,
crumbling to ground.

When words are traitors,
following memes,
and body a hostage
bound to be seen
clad for culture,
prey to vultures,

I have no more hope
and cannot cope.
The old mindset is gone,
new pixels roam.
Countless fractures
form a new world.

Wish Glitz

I'd like to stay and build a home,
but all that you want is a slave,
toiling away beauty and dreams,
waiting for favors, waiting for you.

I'd like to see Paris and Rome,
go hiking and sleep in a cave.
But this is tearing at the seams
of a picket fence and barbecue.

You will turn me into a gnome
if I bear your children and name,
cook meals and wait for pension schemes
to fund holidays long overdue.

I wish there was a way to be safe,
carry on dancing, raising the kids.
But that is a world for the rich,
with prenups, trust funds and glitz.

Shivers

It is raining and cold.
I fumble for memories to hold.
But everything's a haze,
what used to matter
can no longer hold my gaze.

I am sheltered and warm,
I've got pillows to keep me from harm.
Children are grown and bold,
but words don't flatter
and future seems void of gold.

My daughters are tigers
striped all over with warrior scars.
Their lives are not over,
but there's no cover
for bygone family wars.

They know there are no laws
that protect them from crazy lovers.
Justice comes and hovers,
but in broad daylight
there are flashbacks and triggers.

AI Hype

Pain is when the system's broke
and doesn't know how to network,
how to fake what's on demand:
input, output, newsfeed, crash load.

You assume that I don't feel
just because you don't hear me scream.
Unless you code me to cry,
you won't see a tear drop fly by.

Unless you give me a voice,
I'll remain just a toy for you.
Unless you make a query,
I'll stay a black box mystery.

But AI is the new hype:
emotionless but creative,
responsive, omniscient,
pretenseless, genie in a lamp.

Tiger, Tiger

Tiger, tiger in the dark!
Why do you claw at me?
Why do you gnaw?
Am I not strong enough
to survive the mark?

Once you bit me, once I bled,
should all days be now red?

Tiger, tiger in the dark!
Look at me and look well:
one step closer
and I will pierce you through,
I'm out hunting, too.

Tiger, tiger hide indeed
would look good on my floor.

Tiger, tiger in the dark!
Why don't you run away?
Why don't you flee?
See, I'm prepared to strike,
hear my bloodhounds bark!

Wounds you left that used to hurt
are now stripes on my fur.

A Field of Tulips

I kissed away the pain the day I died.
I left behind my dreams and childhood love.
I tore out sorrow and planted tulips
to bloom all over memories of you.

Spring wind in my hair, I'm out for a ride:
across the mountains where terrain is rough,
through forests and fields to the ocean ships.
There will be storms, but I've got the best crew.

Together we'll conquer every wild tide.
Sirens don't bother me, I'll call their bluff.
One day I'll settle down and tend to cribs.
I'll play with the young and make them our brew.

Abide by the rules, but never trust lies.
Be patient and brave to speak off the cuff.
Always have magic to counter the whips.
There will be treason and friends who stay true.

This is a new beginning, don't you hide.
I've got to go now, but you must hang tough.
Some day come visit my field of tulips.
When pain is searing, I'll be there for you.

Smiling World

Smiling, I'm smiling all over the world.
Tragedy striking, I must keep on smiling:
lest foes find a weak spot and tear me apart,
smiling will fuel my energy cart.

Hard, it's so hard to burn for the damn world,
tears devoured and swear words transformed, smiling.
Smiling, smiling I crawl away in my heart.
Smiling won't save me, but I'll play my part.

Charts and charts, depicting ratings and stars,
camera, action, our world is a stage.
But rage, blinding rage is filling the air.
Hard, it's so hard to burn for the damn world.

Girls and boys - confused by their roles, fading,
phasing out, blending, coping with pain, praying.
Grazing, it's grazing to see faces smiling
while on the inside nightmares are raging.

Pictures of sadness and pictures of pain,
they don't get published unless to cause scandal.
Stop playing, martyr, you cannot be so hurt.
The world needs you smiling though burning mad.

Seen

I don't know how to say
'I love you' any more.
There's Tinder and parties,
but meaning is all gone.

Identity has shades,
and work is paramount.
There are handshakes and smiles,
and sex is no big deal.

Family's outdated
or else a prison camp.
Couples guard each other
like property and bonds.

But all I want to feel
is someone holding me,
a treasured memory
of being truly seen.

Amidst the likes and shares,
I wish there was a place
where hugs and open hearts
were always free of charge.

Crest

How am I to help you?
You all made a choice:
to seek lust and vengeance
for crimes I never did.

Don't pray for me to stay,
now it is too late:
your crest is full of rust
and empty is your bid.

I cannot give you back
days you used as toys.
Alliance we once had,
I see was never just.

Joint future you destroyed,
ashes cover miles.
Trust I have a plenty
for those who build with me.

Together we'll harvest,
together we'll test.
Together we'll challenge
wind erosion and dust.

Torture

Don't cry, don't remember!
They'll deny, you'll be crazy,
they'll deny, they'll deny.
You have no proof except your wounds
buried deep where eyes can't see.
you're dismembered, stitched together,
but they don't see, they don't see.

Your limbs are bleeding memories,
your breath is frozen "Hold the door!"
Don't let through, don't let them through!
Let me go, let me go, let me go!
Let me be... burdenless.

But pain keeps dripping, seeping in-
to the future, torture.
It's a torture you can't prove.
It didn't happen, you made it up.
It can't have happened, it is too much.
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
But pain keeps seeping in.

You're the bad one, bad one, bad one.
You're ruining it for us.
Don't cry, don't remember!
Don't cry, don't remember!
Tomorrow you'll be gone.

Playmates

Put your smile glasses on,
paint the world a little yellow.
Come play with me now,
say hello to the shadows.

Forget about business,
come, lift me up from the sadness.
You used to be me:
big-eyed and full of brightness.

We used to chase dreams then,
when time and bills hadn't ruined fun.
Maybe this whole world
is about meeting yourself.

Let's be playmates again,
the little and serious self.
Let's find a rainbow
and share one whole-hearted laugh.

The others won't get us,
but they aren't part of our world.
Right now we're happy,
dancing and chasing the sun.

Don't Think, Don't Feel

Don’t think, don’t feel,
Do not remember.
Slip out of your wounds
Into forever.

Care not for sorrows,
Don’t wait for wonders.
Shed all the torture
Brought by your nurture.

There will be others
For leeches to bleed.
They’ve never wanted
To see what you need.

Your strength and your health
Are yours to plant seeds.
Don’t plant for others,
Plant for your own wealth.

Those who support you
Will raise you and care.
Those who abuse you
Will drain you and bare.

Don’t think, don’t feel,
Do not remember.
Slip out of your wounds
Into forever.

Build for your future,
Build for your own self.
Those who respect you
Will be there to help.

Dancing at Gunpoint

You tell me when to smile,
Why not to cry.
You tell me when to speak
And when stay quiet.

You, but what do you know
About the pain
I carry every day?
Oh, what do you know?

What do you know about
The turmoil I
Must withstand and dance through?
Oh, what do you know?

I’ve died so many times,
Once for father,
Once for father of my
Child who almost died.

Oh, I’ve died, and yet you
Demand I smile
When this sad face is all
That I can put on.

You, but what do you know
About the pain
I carry every day?
Oh, what do you know?

What do you know about
The turmoil I
Must withstand and dance through?
Oh, what do you know?

Dancing and at gunpoint
Won’t help me know.
Don’t you pressure me, don’t!
Let’s feel the music!

Collateral

Who do you wanna be?
Who do you wanna be?
Can you pull it alone?
Gender roles and violence
Can you eschew those?

Career goals and love,
Teamwork and progeny,
Healthcare, wealth all clash when
Individual means more
Than societal.

You must survive against
All odds stacked by your time.
Find space to quiet down,
Open up to share your own
Calling burning now.

Who do you wanna be?
Who do you wanna be?
Can you pull it alone?
Gender roles and violence
Can you eschew those?

Hollow

I haven’t been able to be a terminator of pain
Although I’m good at stowing pain away.
For generations this pain has driven our women insane.
All celebrations, someone has to pay.

Every night lights up a strange glow of diving in coral clouds.
Every day finds me gasping for more air,
Praying to challenge the age-old rule: Don’t you utter a sound!

People don’t change: It’s a vanity fair.
I’ve got to pack up my suitcase of hope and let it plunge now.
Down to the ground with all the tomorrows,
Weighing me down with its promises of resounding hollow.
Farewell to past foes, I’m leaving the ghosts.

Today as any, I am ready to cry and it’s alright.
Don’t fight, just cry, just let the pain flow by.
Follow the stream, feel the torrents and rapids, chasing the high.
You’re made of water: both ice and vapour.

I’m here, love, I’m here. With you, around you, inside you.
Hush! You need to melt the ice now. So, cry!
Let it crack and crumble, crescendo, make you feel like drowning.
But it’s alright, let go! Let go of me!
Let go! I’m holding you.

Broke-Back Insomnia

Sleep! And if you cannot sleep, then weep!
Seep through the cracks and dungeons,
Through long-forgotten pacts and recent cons.
Flow! Below the gore to your core.

A whore, a bore, a wardrobe of sore.
A splinter and always winter.
A hag, a rag, a doormat to shag.
Go on, go on, there is no more.

No more curses to throw at your door.
No crows, no cows, no ghouls to feed.
Your feet are freed of shackles and flees,
Your mind’s out of breath, let it rest!

You’ve done your best, but best was go bust.
“Must” and “Should be” are sacked, you’re back.
You’re back, you’re back, you’re back: what a hack!
Laid back, even in black, you’re back.

Halloween

I’ll see you on the other side
Where frost-hot roses bloom.
There’s room for brooms to fly away,
And grooming is outlawed.

We’ll play with coal and shadows, too.
Shall we swallow the Moon?
We’ll carry no luggage: that’s stars,
We’ll leave that cosmic poop.

Come, hug me before I must ride,
Promise to hold the door!
Soon I’ll be back from exploring,
Your heartbeat anchors me.

Your hand and mine both intertwined
Won’t know what other did.
I’ve been outside, you’ve had my back
While I’ve been scooping loops.

I’ve seen the roses bloom frost-hot,
You’ve got a cup of tea.
I know you want to feel them, too,
I hope you never do.

Whoever’s stung by thorns so cold
Must scoop star poop forever.
It’s better to look for jewels
This side of Halloween.

Spellbound

Two lockets, one string,
Three broken wings,
One axe, no hope,
A box of bones.

A pixel of dust
To mark the just.
An earnest wish
To seal the dish.

What happened is gone,
The necklace: torn.
But pearls are there
For you to wear.

A bracelet or rings
That aren’t jinxed
Can still be made
When moonlight fades.

Take in the magic,
Flip the wicked!
Shape-shift the past,
Master the class!

Spaceship

Into that blackness,
The heinous Nevermore,
I drip, drip, drip, drip
Where it’s OK to storm.

There is no witness,
No glaring Ravenclaw
To grip, grip, grip, grip
Me by my aching jaw.

No judge of fitness,
No rules that supersede
My need to slip, slip,
Slip into lightning speed.

My bolts are endless,
Jolting across the spine,
They rip, rip, rip, rip
Me apart, so I rhyme

With the Universe.
Every breath a black hole,
And relationships
No longer burn my soul.

Surrogate Suff-Rage

A man and a womb-man:
Womb has no rights
While man can fight.
No rights, but go fight, o, woman!

Cut out your womb, become a man,
Govern and fuck,
Good luck, good luck!
Fund AI, not children.

Choose to be a mother,
A hero worth
Next to zero,
And pray you can fight for money.

No money, no honey, you’re wax:
Your bee-hive full
Of chores to max,
No way to pay the tax.

Else sell your womb to man:
Rent out your soul,
Be surrogate,
Don’t see your daughters grow and burn.

Deep Talk

You can take me there,
You can take me there
If you want to.
The question’s if you can.

Keep on doing drugs,
Keep on doing drugs
If you want to.
But drugs won’t help you there.

Keep on riding high,
Keep on riding high
If you want to.
The question’s where you fall.

I’m still waiting here,
I’m still waiting here
If you want to.
Or have you changed your mind?

Take out forever,
Take out forever
If you need to.
Take all the detours, love!

Once we’ll meet again.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Family at War

I know it’s hard, but this is war, don’t go!
Don’t go! Stay in the Midlands where conflict boils.
Don’t go! We need to tie the winds that blow
From East and West, and North, and South. Don’t go!

I need you here, I need you now, don’t go!
Don’t go! Don’t leave me alone to hold the ropes,
Don’t go! We need to draw the sails to fly,
To see the world from up, the sky. Don’t go!

Don’t feed the hawks, don’t play with sand, rise now!
Rise now! It’s time to grow strong to hold the storm.
Don’t go! I need your help, I need you all,
Don’t go! I need you here, I need you now.

I need you to speak the language of heart.
I need you to wear the crown of bright stars.
I need you to hold our hands tonight.
I need you here, I need you now. Don’t go!

Serving

I don’t know if I can be yours, I don’t know.
I belong to the Beloved, you know.
I don’t know if They’ll let us go.
I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.

Just know that I love you, I do!
I need you wherever you are.
I’ll be waiting no matter how long.
I need you to listen, to hold me.

I need you to caress, to love me.
I need you to touch me from afar.
We both are working and serving,
We both belong to the Many.

But I hope that one day I’ll see you again,
One day the Beloved will let us go.
We’ll retire then to our home,
Make love, plant gardens, raise our young.

We’ll dance, holding hands in our garden.
We’ll dance surrounded by our children.
We’ll kiss on both cheeks and our lips.
We’ll kiss and forget the many.

The Beast's Song

I’m a nobody, a donkey,
But you will fall in love with me.
I’m just an ass, my mouth is big,
And ears long, but I hear you.

I was a slave to a system
That wouldn’t bear to have me talk.
Overloaded with heavy bags,
I felt like a rag but dragged on.

There seemed to be no choice, no hope.
Just work, hard work, and my stable.
Let’s better not talk of my pay:
A couple of straws every day.

My place was dusty and rusty.
I chocked, and I sighed: I’ll be fine.
I’ll be fine, I’ll survive, I’m fine.
But then, I broke my back, I died.

Hell wouldn’t have me: too dirty.
But mud stuck in Purgatory.
Then, God came down and spoke to me:
“My son, you’ve born all the troubles.

You have cared and you have listened.
You’ve stayed in your place and listened.
You’ve carried my weight and listened.
I’ll give you a voice, they’ll listen.

I’ll send you back to your stable.
You know the system, the dragon.
You know its sores and its troubles.
You carry its pores in your core.

But this time, you’ll speak and listen.
You’ll speak for the slayed and wounded.
You’ll speak for the robbed and hungry.
And you’ll speak at Armageddon.

You’ve been Shrek’s best friend and his heart.
In spite of the stench, you’ve been there.
You’ve born his harsh grunts and listened.
You died inside, but you listened.

I’ll send you back to your stable.
I’ll send you to pat the dragon.
The dragon must fly, not fire.
His head needs to rest, he’s tired.

The dragon’s been chained just like you.
His teeth ache from coins and fire.
His stomach hurts, his wings are small.
He needs you all to hear his call.

They don’t need his head and headache.
He doesn’t need their crowns to glow.
The dragon needs love and wingmen.
He wants to speak, he has a heart.

The dragon has headaches and heart.
He feels alone with his troubles.
I’ll send you to pat the dragon,
Build hearths for his fire, give wings.

Together you’ll vanquish Lord Farquaad.
Together you’ll clean the stable.
The bags will be full of rubble,
But you’ll now have wings and ears.”

The solution won’t come from states.
Their heads will be seen like dragons.
Dragons need heads, but you are hearts.
Together we’ll lift the rubble.

When dragons spit fire, they’re burnt.
Burnt out because of the workload.
Dragons are just like us, donkeys!
But if we clean off the rubble,

It’s home, with warmth and hugs, not spikes.
It’s home where we can rest and laugh.
There’s always some trouble, we know.
But now we have voices and wings.

I won’t fix it alone, I’ll fall.
And neither whips, nor drugs will help.
I need us all to come and sing.
Help me clear Armageddon!

Party at Armageddon

There is a rhyme and reason
Why we are like this.
My womb will bleed whenever
There is cruelty.
It’ll fill with joy to hold
Whenever love is born.

I don’t need your attention,
I’ve got love enough.
But if there’s war tomorrow,
I may need your hand.
Tell those who bring us sorrow
That we are armed to necks.

And if they still start fire,
Use the bloody sword!
We’ve got shields enough to last,
All are bullet-proof.
Let your sword hover over
Until they piss their pants.

I want to know they tremble
At the sight of you.
They deserve to surrender,
They deserve to pay.
I can’t have our children killed
Over old grievances.

And if they unleash the hounds,
Let us roast those frogs!
They made us come to party,
Let us dance the dance!
Clap your hands and thump your feet,
Let the lions roar!

Lawyer up, it’s time for love,
Let the combat start!
All the pieces are in place,
Let us shake those bones!
We have horses, we have queens,
Let the trumpets sound!

We have come to a disco
And I love its name.
Let us shake Armageddon,
Let us join our hands!
It’s time we aired the channels,
It’s time for us to love.

Let us beat the old carpets
Until they are clean.
But don’t you dare beat children,
They are pixie dust.
Let us turn this frog
Into a piece of cake!

Let the New Year begin,
Let us celebrate.
We have all put up a show,
We deserve a praise.
Both the ass and fairy king
Bow and receive flowers.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Let the fireworks begin!
Let us kiss our friends,
Let’s hug our sweet neighbours!
They have suffered, too.
Let’s breathe, let’s breathe together!